It's Never Easy: A Erisol Fanfiction
by RainbowCupcake413
Summary: Sollux has been miserable for the past few years, when he breaks down he decides to go to a friend for help. He left college a few years ago when he met a guy and fell in love. Worried that the other didn't feel the same way he let his worries and emotions get the best of him and dropped out of college. I didn't write this. Some bro on Tumblr wrote it and didn't want credit. :/
1. Chapter 1

Everyone thinks it's easy to tell someone you love them. It is for most. But it wasn't for Sollux. He couldn't manage portraying any type of affection towards the one he loved. The one he loved most, cherished most, and wanting anything and everything to do with had no idea. And still doesn't, he wanted to keep it that way until he was positive that his better half loved him too.

That was years ago. Now, he was laying in a bed, curled up in a blanket, warm sun shining on his face, it was the greatest feeling. He pushed most of that feeling back into his cold, lost heart, keeping only a shred of it so he could get through the day without giving up. He forced himself out of the unfamiliar bed, every muscle ached and his head was killing him. Sometimes he wished someone would finish him off so he could leave his wretched hell of a hometown.

It was nothing but a putrid dump filled with filthy people and horrible memories. But it was the only he felt at home, besides being with him. He picked up his jeans and shoes by the green, apartment door. He made sure he had everything before glancing back at the half naked guy tangled in the sheets. He didn't even know who he was.

This was a typical situation for Sollux. He works at this lame-ass computer programming shop throughout the weekdays and has weekends off so on the weekends he does whatever he wants. It mostly is playing video games and sleeping in late, but when he starts to think about _him, _he is hit with all these emotions and feelings that he's been pushing back since he last saw his love. Three years ago. He then goes out drinking, gets hammered, and the next thing he knows is that he's curled up with a complete stranger in a shitty complex trying to make up an excuse to write and deleting whatever he found unfamiliar in his phone.

He walked down the stairs, 8 flights to be exact. _"How iin the world diid ii get up here drunk?" He thought including the fact that there was no type of elevator of any sorts nearby._ He checked his arms while walking down a crowded sidewalk. No needle marks. Sollux always made sure he didn't do anything to **really **hurt himself. Emotions didn't physically hurt you. They hurt you every other way except physical. He walked up to a nice, modern building and buzzed the intercom button.

_"Uh...yeah...can ii be buzzed iin? ii'm here to thee thomeone." Sollux spoke the words as fluently as he could so he wouldn't give away his lisp so easily. _He waited for the office to probably stop laughing and buzz him in. "_bzzzzz" _the door went. He pulled back the heavy steel door and headed for the elevator.

The tall and slim boy steeped into the elevator who already had a few riders already. Almost instinctively he headed for the corner of the elevator after pressing the floor his friend was on. He looked up only a few times from his phone to catch a few glaring back at him. He was used to this; Sollux had somewhat straight black hair, was enormously tall, and wore not practically _"normal" _sunglasses. They were given to him by somebody really special, he thought sometimes himself that the one red lens and the one blue lens glasses were idiotic. It reminded him of his eyes, one icy blue and one redwood colored eye. He didn't mind the stares at all; he got enough when he walked down the street with any dude he was going ho me with. Being a twenty two year old gay guy, towering awkwardly tall, and being cursed with heterochromia got him tons of weird looks all of his life.

He continued to play on his phone waiting for the bell that released him from this hellhole. "_bing!" _Sollux squeezed through a fat lady who looked like she is too grand to even look at him and a mother with a few sticky, screaming kids. He looked down the long corridor of the luxurious apartments. He lives in a disgusting, one-bedroom apartment in downtown Manhattan.

Sollux strolled down the hallway as casually as he could before reaching the door painted blue with a brass engraving of _"413" _on the front and knocked on the door. He dug his hands in his back pockets and looked up at the ceiling wondering what's taking him so long. Finally the door opened and Sollux was greeted by the only face he recognizes anymore. Besides _him. _

"_ii need to talk to you." he finally managed to mumble after a few moments of awkward staring._


	2. Chapter 2

His dearest friend, the last person he had to even care about stood staring at Sollux. He didn't mean to though, he was just shocked. He hadn't seen him in a few months. And now he was here out of the blue and wanted to talk. The friend moved aside and moved his hand in a suggestive manner toward the couch. Sollux looked past his friend and moved toward the very dainty living room and sat on the couch. He buried his face in his hands waiting for his friend to come over. 

_"Sollux?" he questioned._

He sat down next to Sollux and put a hand on his shoulder.

_"What is it? What are you doing here? It's been so long." He started; he then realized he shouldn't overwhelm him since he looked very distress about something. _

Sollux looked up at his dear friend and felt tears welling up in his eyes.

He took Sollux into his arms.

_"Sollux it's okay, tell me." he said. _

Sollux wrapped his arms around his friend's waist.

_"John, I'm sick of this, I can't do it anymore, Sollux confessed, I can't get him out of my head, I want him to know, I just want to see him again, tell him. I just want him."_

_"Who Sollux? That guy you liked from college?" _

Sollux pushed away from his friend and buried his face in his hands.

He looked up after a few moments and almost yelled, _"I didn't like him John, I loved him. I loved everything about him, hith thmile, hith flawth, the way he did hith hair, the way hith eyeth thined. I can't get him out of my head and it'th making me mitherable!" _

John put a hand on Sollux's shoulder and rubbed in a few smooth circles trying to soothe his now crying friend.

_"Sollux? Do you even know where he is nowadays? It's been years you know." _

_"It's only been three, John. I thtill keep thomewhat in touch with hith close friendth. Maybe they'll know where he'th at. I'll do anything to just thee him again._

John took Sollux back into his arms.

"_I know, are you sure you want to do this?"_

Sollux looked up at John, straight into his eyes.

"More than anything, John."

John glanced down at the hands holding his shoulders and noticed cuts on the wrist just where Sollux's long sleeve shirt was riding up.

"_You're that upset Sollux?" John said looking at his cuts and then back his friend._

"_I told you I couldn't handle it, I need to find him, before I get worthe." Sollux replied choking up again._

"_Just try to find him, I can't lose you Sollux." _


	3. Chapter 3

Sollux awoke to a very loud but distant ringing. He sat up and tried to locate where the noise was coming from, he found his cell phone ringing horribly loud on the arm of his couch. It was his boss. Sollux didn't feel like going to work, he was actually letting his emotions get to him because he finally knew what to do about it. He was going to find the one he loved. He pressed the end button, cutting the awful screech of a ring. He contemplated on going back to bed, but if anything was going to help the situation was to go ahead and start trying to find _him. _Sollux was always good about keeping up with things, especially when he was in school. He kept everybody's number in a little black book, he thought to himself where in the world it could be. Sollux dug in the draws of his nightstand and kitchen, but no luck. He pulled the cord of the ladder that led to the attic. Sollux climbed the dusty ladder and ascending into the attic. He looked around for awhile before finding it. A backpack. When he didn't know what else to do, blinded by emotions and horrible confusion, he dropped out of college, leaving his love and a wonderful career of video game designing in the past. He swiped some dust from the slick surface of the backpack. He unzipped the biggest part.

"_Wow, just the way I left it." He thought to himself._

Sollux dug through the loose papers and multiple notebooks and finally graced his fingers over the slim cover of what he was searching for. He zipped up the backpack, and started to leave the attic. When he got down he headed for the couch and sat down. Sollux opened the book and started to look at every single page until he found the number he was looking for. All his greatest friends from college were in this, Nepeta, Karkat, Tavros, Gamzee. He grabbed his phone from the arm and dialed the number, hoping that is was still her number. The phone started to ring and after a few, Sollux started to worry and then he heard a long forgotten voice on the line.

"_Hello?" she asked very happily._

"_Feferi?" _

"_Sollux? Is that you?" She asked with a slight crack in her voice. _ She sounded shocked.

"_Hey FF." Sollux said calmly, relieved to hear her voice and that she still remembers him._

"_Oh my gosh, it's been forever Sollux!  
How's Manhattan? We all miss you here!" she said practically yelling excitedly._

"_Oh it'th fine, and I know, I'm thorry I didn't keep in touch with you. How are you doing? How'th college?" _

"_It's wonderful! I'm actually graduating next spring. It's great to hear from you Sollux."_

Sollux heard some small voices in the background.

" _That'th great FF, who'th that in the background?"_

"_Oh! It's just Karkat and Tavros. Wanna say hi? Here I'll put you on speaker!"_

Sollux could hear buttons smash and Feferi calling Karkat and Tavros over.

"_Say hi guys! It's Sollux!"_

"_Hey asshole. Finally remember us?" Karkat asked._

"_Uh..hi…Sollux…How's it uh..going? Tavros finally managed to say._

"_I never forgot you guyth, and I'm fine, It'th nice to talk with you both. I'll talk with you guyth later, I just really need to talk to FF right now, ok?"_

"_Fine, come on Tavros, we need to get back to the project anyways." Sollux heard them say._

"_What is it Sollux?" Feferi asked, a slight worry in her voice._

Sollux sighed.

"_Do you thtill keep in touch with Eridan, FF?" Sollux finally managed to say after a bit of contemplation._

"_Oh dear." Feferi said_

"_What's wrong? Is he okay? What happened?" Sollux didn't know what to think. Was his love gone? _

Sollux began to worry.

"_He's fine. Well physically. He's been very strange for awhile. Actually about the time that you had to leave really. Man that was so long ago. He never told anyone why, we've been trying to get it out of him lately. No luck so far."_

"_Where ith he?" Sollux asked somewhat relieved. _

"_Probably at work, he took a job at that little café on campus. Why?"_

"_I need to thsee him." Sollux answered._

"_You're visiting? Oh that's wonderful Sollux! When?" Feferi started to sound really excited again._

"_I don't know, this weekend I gueth? Just please don't tell Ed, I need it to be a thurprithe. Pleathe?"_

"_Absolutely Sollux! I'll see you this weekend, we're all still in the same dorms, well I have to go, we're working on a big project. Bye!"_

"_Bye FF, thee you then." _

Sollux hung up the phone, he was so relieved, worried, and happy all at the same time.

He went and got dressed to go to work with a slight smile on his face.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Little chapter here...enjoy anyways! :)_**

Sollux left out from under his boss's devious rule and decided that he should tell John the good news. He pulled out his cell phone on a bench near his work and texted John.

hii john

hey sollux! find out what you're going to do?

ii called an old friiend and ii'm actually goiing up to westfiield and viisiiting thiis weekend

that's awesome! i have to go good luck! :)

Sollux shut his phone; he was finally going to do it. He was going to see the one who's been making him miserable. Or was he making himself miserable? He didn't know and he didn't care. He just wanted to see _him._

And maybe tell _him, _how he feels.]


	5. Chapter 5

Sollux felt different. He felt excited and happy for once. He sucked it up at work, came home, talked to his reconnected friends a few hours away, and looked forward to the weekend more than anything.

On Friday, he packed up a few outfits of clothes, his cords and computer, and everything he needed. Westfield was only a few hours away, not a bad drive, he actually needed to get out of Manhattan. He picked up his car out of a parking garage uptown since he usually just walked to work and took a cab whenever he needed to go somewhere. Sollux put his stuff in the small car and headed towards Westfield.

The few hour drive didn't take as long as he had expected.

ii'm here

Meet me at the café; we're all waiting for you!

ii'th Ed there?

No, I made sure we came on his day off, don't worry!

okay, ii'm on my way then, thee you iin a few miinutes

okay, see you then!

Sollux pulled into the front of the arts school and parked in a visitor's parking spot. He looked around; it didn't look very different from when he left a few years ago.

He signed in and headed for the café near the dorms excitement filling his heart with each step. Finally he reached the sleek glass doors; he slung his backpack over his shoulder and headed inside.

When he got inside, he immediately spotted Feferi and Nepeta. After a moment he spotted Karkat at the counter. Nepeta spotted him first and ran to him, Feferi falling not too far behind. Sollux took his friends into his arms and it's been a long time since Sollux was hugged by someone he actually cared for. Sollux and Feferi went and sat down to catch up and Karkat and Nepeta went back to their classes.

"_So! What brings you here Sollux? And why do you care so much about Ed finding out you came to visit?" Feferi asked stirring her drink._

"_I really need to talk to him, you thee when I left a few yearth ago I wathn't thure how to tell Ed…..well...…that I loved him. I let my worrieth get the betht of me and I couldn't take it anymore." Sollux confessed._

Feferi had a little puzzling look on her face for a moment before speaking.

"_Well, why couldn't you tell him Sollux?" Feferi finally asked._

"_I loved him too much, I didn't want to find out that he didn't feel the thame, it would've killed me."_

"_Well Sollux, to tell you the truth, it seemed that Eridan might've liked you back. He didn't seem very happy unless he was around you. And when you left, he became different, like he is now."_

That gave Sollux some much needed hope.

"_Really?" _

"_We won't know unless you talk to him!" _

"_Is he thtill in our old room?"_

"_Yeah, he's still there. He's by himself in that room too."_

"_Why didn't they replace me when I left?"_

"_He kept refusing roommates until they labeled him as an individual."_

"_Oh, ith he there now?"_

Feferi looked at her watch. 4:48.

"_Most likely, our classes don't start until 6 today." _

"_Well, I need to go thee him; I'll tell you how it goeth afterwardth. Okay?"_

"_Good Luck!" Feferi yelled as Sollux started to head for the door._

Sollux walked a few blocks of sidewalk before he arrived at Dorm 22. He pushed open the front doors of the building and headed for the longs stairs. It wasn't long until he reached his old room. _Their _old room.

He was frozen solid. He thought about walking away, throwing up, or even going back home.

Sollux wanted things to get better. He coudn't take being miserable anymore, and with that he knocked gently on the wooden door.

His heart was racing and stopping at the same time. His mind was blank.

Sollux's heart dropped when the door opened. It was _him._

Eridan Ampora.

His _soulmate._

His _other half._

His _everything._


	6. Chapter 6

Sollux stood there staring straight into his beautiful eyes. He didn't dare speak.

Eridan's eyes widened as he stood there in the doorway. He finally coughed up something to say.

"_Sol?" he questioned with a slight concerned tone._

"_Hey, Ed." Sollux finally said._

Suddenly Sollux wasn't facing Eridan's beautiful face or his deep violet eyes. He was facing the door. The door they painted purple. They door they hung decorations on around holidays. The door that led Sollux to the love of his life four years ago when he was accepted into this art school.

Eridan slammed the door into his face. Hard. Sollux heard a slide against the door followed by a small whimper.

"_Ed, let me in. We need to talk."_

"_Go away Sol! I never wanted to see you again. Wwhat are you even doin here?"_

Sollux was crushed to hear that the guy of his dreams, never wanted to see him.

"_I needed to thee you Ed. I really need to talk to you." He confessed._

"_wwhy did you come to see me? After you left me! You havve no idea wwhat I've been through!" Eridan yelled through the door, probably still sitting in behind it._

"_Ed, I'm thorry, I'm really truly thorry, I need to talk to you, it's extremely important."_

"_I don't wwant to see you. Not yet." He said in a soft tone._

Sollux growled and slid down the opposite side of the door laying is backpack next to him.

_"Well I'm going to thit here until you let me in."_

Sollux heard Eridan yell a "Fine by me." and what seemed to be him getting off the door, Sollux sat there for almost three hours just playing on his.

Sollux decided to text Feferi.

hii ff

)(i Sollux! )(ow's it going?

teriible

Awe, w)(y?

he thlammed the door iin my face and told me he diidn't want to thee me

W)(ale, come over to our dorm, we're )(eading to a party, you can come if you'd like!

are you thure FF?

Positive!

ii'm on my way then.

Sollux stood up and grabbed his things leaving Eridan to cool off. He walked for awhile before reaching Feferi's dorm. After awhile they headed to the party.


	7. Chapter 7

Even though Sollux didn't particularly like parties, he went anyway. He knew there was alcohol there, and at that moment he needed a drink.

Sollux entered with Feferi and a few others into a very loud party, but was soon separated. Sollux just wondered for a while before finding the bar table.

He didn't talk to many people, just some that recognized him, and the host Latula.

"_Tho, do you know what'th wrong with Ed?"_

"_Nah, he just looks like a lovesick puppy to me." Latula said._

Sollux and Latula talked for awhile before Sollux spotted Ed. He was trying to pick up a pass out and by the looks of it, he needed some help.

Sollux set down his drink on the table and moved towards Eridan and some passed out guy. As he got closer he noticed it was  
Eridan's brother, Cronus. Without saying anything he picked up one of his arms and put it round his shoulder supporting the other half of the limp body. Eridan looked over but didn't say anything.

They carried him until they reached the front of the house.

Sollux and Eridan put Cronus onto a porch swing and left him there to face each other.

"_Uh, thanks." Eridan said rubbing the back of his head and looking towards his drunken brother._

"_It'th fine Ed, tho can we talk now?" _

"_I guess so, just givve me a second." _

Eridan ran inside for a few moments but then came back out and motioned toward the steps of the porch.

Sollux went first to sat down and Eridan followed after.

"_So wwhat is so important that you had to drivve 3 hours just to tell me?"_

"_There'th no eathy way to thay thith but Ed…I think I'm in love with you." He paused and sighed, a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders.  
_

_"I left becauthe I didn't know how you'd rethpond, and if you didn't love me back, it could've killed me. I've been mitherable thince I left thith place, thince I left you. I jutht can't take it anymore Ed."_

_Eridan leaned over and hugged Sollux's shoulders. _

_"I lovv you too sol."_

_Sollux was on the verge of crying he was so happy. He sighed a broken sigh, then leaned up and kissed Eridan. Sollux's firm lips against his soft ones. Eridan didn't move for a moment until he realized what was happening and then closed his eyes and kissed back._

_"Are you guys done here?" Feferi asked behind them._

_Their kiss broke and when they parted they just sat there and smiled at each other. Real smiles, something neither of them had since they parted. And it was perfect._


End file.
